


(he) kissed me 'til the morning light

by shrdmdnssftw



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-09
Updated: 2012-08-09
Packaged: 2017-11-11 19:31:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/482092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shrdmdnssftw/pseuds/shrdmdnssftw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for a kinkmeme fill, originally posted in May 2012. Based on <i>Samson</i> by Regina Spektor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(he) kissed me 'til the morning light

**Author's Note:**

> Finally archiving my KM fills, starting with my favourite one.

Zayn and Liam are not the moon and the sun, are not day and night, are not ying and yang. Neither boy is the one that the other is looking for, neither boy is destined for greatness.   
  
Zayn and Liam are nothing more than two bodies, moving in space, and Zayn has come to terms with that.  
  
He's learnt how Liam will fill the gaps in his mind and make him so so whole, only to drop out and make Zayn emptier. He's learnt the patterns of Liam's sleep-slow breathing, memorised the way the other boy clenches his fists during nightmares and will kiss Zayn's lips soft and slow before they go to sleep.  
  
-  
  
They don't fight, but they don't get along either. He knows the other three don't understand it, how he just  _lets_  Liam do this, but it's part of them. This constant push and no pull, the give and no take, it is built deep into their relationship, tendrils and roots that twine together, back to the start of it all. Zayn doesn't let Liam do this so much as he never stops Liam from taking, taking, taking.  
  
It's always been this way, and maybe that's Zayn's mistake. He'd kissed Liam, those weeksmonthsyears ago now, and that was it. He kissed Liam after their first performance on stage, the five of them high on adrenaline rushes and Zayn drawn to the brightness of Liam's eyes. He kissed Liam when the other boy was homesick and hid away in the bunks during the tour. He kissed Liam when he told Zayn about Dani, and he kissed him and he kissed him.  
  
Maybe Zayn's something of a masochist, because there's definitely something painful about this. Zayn kisses Liam like Liam is his first love, and Liam kisses back like he's Zayn's last.  
  
-  
  
On paper, it looks perfect. Liam is the responsible one, the one with the girlfriend who he's had the longest, the one who doesn't drink like the other four. He dresses nicely and talks well and, hell, even Zayn's mother likes him. She invites him over come the holiday season and they wear cheesy pullovers and drink warm tea. He is the perfect best friend, here to support Zayn when he's needed, even if he's breaking more than he's fixing with each little kiss.  
  
They're lying in Zayn's old bedroom and it should feel wrong. There's the tint of unease in Zayn's posture, the one that murmurs danielleboysmanagementsecretdon't. The unease should fall whisper soft over Zayn and slowly sink into his bones, it should snap him out of this moment, warm in Liam's arms, because he knows this is all he'll really ever be allowed.  
  
Instead, it washes over him like a breeze of regret and when Liam pulls him closer, Zayn complies.  
  
On paper, it looks perfect, and in flesh, it's mostly gone.  
  
-  
  
He is not the moon, nor the sun. He is neither day nor night. Zayn does not see himself as any balance of good or evil, and he is no longer deluded enough to think he is  _the one_. Zayn is one who watches, and washes his hands clean of any deed.   
  
He is riddled full of holes and washed with regret and hope and the sort of sad-sweet misery that comes from love. Zayn is here and there, he is one part of a five part whole, and no parts of LiamandI.   
  
When he climbs out of the bed that morning, the sheets are still warmed by Liam's presence, and maybe this is fucked up, but the way that Liam's hair splays out on the pillow reminds Zayn of the roots of a tree.  
  
Liam is like a tree, sturdy and strong, tall and proud, with roots that run deep and never let go.  
  
But trees can still be felled, and Zayn reminds himself of this. He may never be the moon or the sun, but maybe one day Zayn can stop being the ground beneath it all.  
  
 _you are my sweetest downfall_.


End file.
